Hair Issues
by ThemYaoiSoHOTyeAh
Summary: Hi there! This is me Nantucket, Alfred's awesome cowlick and I wanna share to you folks my stuff with Arthur's eyebrows. Warning: Crack-ish, full of nonsense and utter crap. (NOW WITH A VERY SHORT SEQUEL. For those reviewers I love so much, and especially for Catzi.) DLDR.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Howdy folks. This is the result of my boredom and desperation to publish something. Yes, I really decided to write it in this form/style since I want this to be crack. I was so desperate to just write something, _anything_, but to no avail. Thus, I thought 'heyyy, if I can't think of something decent, I'll just write something that doesn't make sense!' and that was how this was born.

**WARNINGS: **Crack-ish, full of nonsense. Utter crap. Don't go saying 'What the fuck is this? This is crap blablabla' because I _know_. I wrote it like that. Read le warning. DLDR.

**DISCLAIMER: **Naaaw

**HAIR ISSUES**

Hi there! This is me Nantucket, Alfred's awesome cowlick. I must say I am very cute and I totally stand out from the rest of Alfred's features.

Literally.

And people always notice me! Whenever someone describes Alfred, I'm always recognized by my uniqueness :D Sure, Alfred's pretty blue eyes are kind of stealing my place as rank 1, but dude can't do it. I'm still first! Hahaha!

I like shampoo and conditioner a lot and I don't need to be physically fed because I suck nutrients from Alfred's body as food! No no, I'm not being a parasite, it's normal for us hairs to do that! I mean it would really be weird if Alfred were to shove hamburgers in me…-shudders-

So anyway, I dislike horror movies, but Alfred likes them even though we're both scared of it :( It's really embarrassing that I shake like a leaf when it comes to horror films. Whenever he switches them on, I can't help but tremble like crazy! Dx Sometimes he's just so mean to me OnO For example; he always tries to brush me down like the rest of my hair buddies even though I don't wanna! Once he even tried to gel me down. Gel! I hate that icky stuff! But I'm more stubborn than he is. I totally beat that gel's ass! Thankfully Alfred eventually gave up and let me have my way~

Why exactly am I telling you this? No reason really, just felt like introducing myself :D

But the real thing I wanna share to you folks is my stuff with Mr. Arthur's eyebrows, which I'm gonna refer to as 'Bushy' throughout the entire storytelling.

So one day I was sitting there on Alfred's head as he made his way towards the game shop to buy the newest game, Call of Duty: Black Ops II! Alfred purchased it and headed out of the store. We both were hyperventilating in excitement! He then took a sharp turn to his left corner and…

Yes, you guessed that right.

He bumped into someone. Alfred and Arthur didn't know each other yet then.

"Oh sorry, didn't see you there."

"Watch it, bloody git!"

They said simultaneously and I peeked down to see who it was when…

"HOLY SHIT!" Alfred and I exclaimed in unison (not that they can hear me talk).

'T-that…! What is _that?' _I thought.

Apparently, Alfred was thinking the same for he pointed at the other's face and stuttered.

"Dude, your eyebrows! Wow!"

Arthur seemed offended and Alfred went home with a sore jaw that time.

I didn't understand though.

Why did he hurt Alfred for pointing out his eyebrows? :O

I mean, those eyebrows were the sexiest things I ever saw in my entire life! I've never seen such…such huge, cute hairs! I always thought I was the only hair that stood out of the rest until I met Bushy~

D-don't tease me… x/u/x

Anyway! After that encounter I thought that I should think of a plan! A plan to woo Bushy's heart! I'm gonna make him mine! Mine! MINE!

But what can a hair do, right?

So I had to depend on Alfred :/

Since Alfred and I seem to share the same feelings, I desperately thought of wanting to meet Bushy again.

Bushy Bushy Bushy Bushy BUSHY BUSHY BUSHY BUSHY BUSHY !

And it worked! Alfred wasn't thinking of my precious Bushy though. He was thinking of Bushy's owner :D That was good! Meeting Bushy's owner means I have a chance to meet Bushy too!

YAAAAAY! 0(xux)0

Could you imagine my expression when they met each other again? I was swaying back and forth in happiness~ (Arthur seemed to think I was crazy though. He kept giving me weird looks every time I swayed or wiggled).

"Oh hi there. I'm really sorry about last time…" I didn't really hear the rest of Alfred and Arthur's conversation as I was so fixated on the humongous, sexy thing.

"Hey Bushy, you're so pretty!  
I fell in love the first glance!  
You stole my heart completely.  
Won't you give me a chance?"

I did deserve some credit since I thought of that poem on the spot! HA! 'He'll totally love that!' I thought.

"…"

H-huh? OuO Why didn't he reply me?

Maybe he didn't hear?

I repeated it but a little louder for him to understand.

"Hey Bushy you're so pretty! I fell in-love the first glance! You stole my heart completely! Won't you give me a chance?!"

"…" Still nothing.

EYEBROWS, Y U NO REPLY ME? QAQ

"HEY BUSHY! YOU'RE SOOOO PREEET—"

"Would you bloody belt up already!?" he replied.

Yay, he finally replied! *_* His british accent was thick and… kyaaaaa~ x/u/x

I LOVE BRITISH EYEBROWS ;3

"Your voice is so hot!" I said.

"S-stop making fun of me!" he said. Huh? I WAS NOT MAKING FUN OF HIM OAO How could he think that? After all the praising I said Dx

"I wasn't making fun of you! I really think you're cute!"

"Sh-shut up!" Was it possible for hair to suddenly turn ginger? I think Bushy was blushing…heehee~ he's so cute x3

After that, Bushy and I met more and more often since Alfred and Arthur seemed to increasingly like each other's company, and of course, Bushy and I got along more and more too! Although he's kinda grumpy like Arthur, I still like him~

"Oh Bushy you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Bushy! Hey Bushy! Oh Bushy you're so fine, you're so fine you bl—"

"Nantucket, _please._"

"Hehe, sorry~"

Then stuff happened.

One day, I was humming while Bushy was just being awesome when we can't help but overhear Arthur and Alfred talk.

"—pluck my eyebrows?"

Arthur was asking if Alfred would like it if he plucked his eyebrows.

PLUCK his eyebrows.

Pluck his EYEBROWS.

Bushy and I shared the same look: the look of utter hair horror.

PEOPLE! Can't you see what was wrong here? He was gonna hair my love! Like how they shear off a sheep's fur!

How very cruel!

The only hairs to be shaved off are leg hairs! Armpit hairs! And…!

….You know e_e that hair under…down there…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! QAQ

"Nah, I don't mind your eyebrows. It won't feel like you if your eyebrows were thin." Alfred replied, grinning.

THANK YOU FOR SAVING BUSHY! Q_Q

But I still don't trust Arthur.

So that night I planned something. Bushy and I would sneak out for a while to give them a hair scare. I'm sure Arthur would never, _ever_ think of plucking his eyebrows ever again.

* * *

Alfred woke up the next morning and stretched. He felt like something was off. He shrugged it off and proceeded to make coffee and breakfast. After he finished eating he headed for the bathroom and looked himself at the mirror and froze in shock, panic and confusion.

"What the…" he touched the bald spot on his head where his cowlick used to be.

His phone rang and he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Alfred…my eyebrows are missing…"

* * *

**A/N: **I warned you about it being nonsensical. I'm out. =u=

**A/N 2: **Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind hey Mickey! Hey Mickey! (Who knows this song xD) Oh Bushy you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind :)))


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hi guys, wassup. I wanna to say thank you to all those lovely reviewers out there who spared a minute to review. I _greatly_, appreciate it :DD As for that particular guest who apparently wants me to drop dead, LOL to you :) I _did_ warn you what to expect in reading my work. Oh well, my story is just not for everybody. For the rest, thank you once again. Your reviews never cease to make me happy I don't know what to do with myself :)))

**WARNINGS: **Still yaoi, same warnings. Utter crap, like wtf-is-this crap. Oh, and sexual innuendos. **DLDR.**

* * *

**HAIR ISSUES 2**

What to do, oh what to do? D: This always happens whenever they do it.

EVERY.

SINGLE.

TIME.

It's beyond annoying! Those two are the source of me and Bushy's torments, for realz y'all :((

Arthur grabs me with his right hand and tugs. (Ow! Ow! Careful geez! A Bushy, help me QnQ) I'm pretty sure Alfred and Arthur hate me and Bushy! With all the tugging and stuff. Alfred seems to like it though...

Did I ever tell you that he's mean to me sometimes? ¤n¤

"I knew there was something strange about this cowlick of yours, love." Arthur says and gives me another tug.

"Mmm, you're one to talk. Who knew your eyebrows are your e-zones?" Alfred chuckles as Arthur huffs.

And _just what do eezoans mean?_ è.é

Whatever it is, i'm pretty sure we are their hair zones! Not eezoans!

"ooh~"

AND THE TUGGING HURTS! I feel soooore already! ;A;

"Mm, lick me here Al." Arthur says and wiggles his eyebrows while purring.

I shudder.

Oh no, my poor Bushy çAç I hear Bushy squeak in disgust as Alfred licks him, getting moist with saliva. Oh god, i'm almost certain he would puke if he could. It's very sad. What if the stench of saliva were to stick to Bushy forever? DD= Not cool bro! I feel for Bushy. =C

"Eek! Bloody giiit! Th-this is revolting!" Bushy belows while Arthur, on the other hand, mewls in delight and tugs at me as an appreciation.

OnO

"I-im close.." aaaand Bushy gets hit by this weird white stuff that comes out of Al's peepee. I really think he needs a check up if there's pus coming out of his peepee! 8(xAx)8 Who agrees with me?!

Then Bushy shouts "Uugh, rubbish!"

...they're still at it. I hope they finish soon. Now i'm considering not defying gravity for once. I do try to avoid Arthur's hand but..

"Oh yeah, Artie baby, tug my cowlick harder!" as you can see, no such luck.

"Mmn, then lick my eyebrows more. Nip it, nibble it, _suck it_." Arthur says in a supposedly seductive way. Gah, who knew these two can be this disgusting! This is fail porn! FAIL PORN I SAY. Bushy turns pale in horror. So. Arthur tugs me and Al sucks his eyebrow in unison.

"Harder, Artie."

_tug_

"Don't call me Artie."

"Ooh harder!"

_Tug._

"HARDER!"

_TUG. _"uh-! Yoowch!" Alfred suddenly cries out.

"O-oh god, Alfred! It-it came off!"

"What! Dude give me back my cowlick!"

"Oh love, i'm so sorry! I didn't mean to pull it off!" Huh, must be all the tugging he did.

They continue to panic for a while and Bushy gapes in shock, making him look bushier. Wow, can he get any thicker?

HA HA HA! (u)/

He's still so cute ¤u¤ I love him *heart*

"We need a super glue." I hear Alfred say and it's my turn to turn pale in horror. OAO

.

.

.

They super glued me back on Alfred's head, but unluckily they glued me the wrong way.

I'm glued upside down and there's nothing I can do about it. *sniff* Now I have to look at Bushy upside down and he looks weird like that (but he's still cute!). Why is our love so tragic?

And my privates are exposed. You thought hairs don't have privates? Well they do.

Wait.

What if Arthur tugs me when they do it again? o_O

He'd be tugging at my balls-!

;A; !

* * *

**A/N: **So! That ends that. Just a quick note, the correct one should be 'Bushy and I' but considering it's Nantucket's POV, I made it like 'me and Bushy'.

LOL

Aside from that, i'm sorry about the errors or grammar mistakes that I probably did. And I hope you enjoyed this one.

Have a good day folks.


End file.
